23NLPeople Blog

Fat is beautiful?

Ok, let's be clear.  People are people, they do what they do, and in a free and civilised society as long as what they do does not harm others, we should be OK with that, right?  

Prejudice is all forms is bad.  

Really bad, when we oppress others based on their skin colour, their sexuality, religion, or whateever, this is a sign of something wrong with us.  The name of the game is tolerance and acceptance.

But...and you knew there was a 'but' coming, there is a message out there that "fat is beautiful" and we should love each other equally regardless of body size.

But where exactly is this message coming from? Regardless of whether fat is beautiful or not, you will probably have your own opinions on that anyway ("beauty is in the eye of the beholder"), why is this message being broadcast?

To sell you stuff, that is why.  Fat is beautiful as long as marketers and product producers are able to sell stuff into new and lucrative niches.

Fat fashion.  For years fashion models have been thin and getting thinner, to the point of skeletons hobbling along the cat walk looking like lovesick junkies looking to get their next fix.  It's a pretty appalling scene, an entire industry that encourages its young hopefuls to starve themselves silly in order to get that all important exposure on the cat walk. Broken menstrual cycles, low bone density and rotted teeth from regurgitated stomach acid afflict these young hopefuls en masse as they vie for catwalk supremacy.

So, all this permitted a new niche to emerge - fashion for people who are not anorexic; fat fashion; fat and proud of it fashion; fat and proud to show it off and flaunt it all in fashionable clothes fashion.

Not, wear-lots-of-black-and-horizontal-stripes-to-try-and-disguise-it fashion of the guilty and shamed.  Guilt fashion. Fashion for those who want to hide and eat more cake for comfort.

Fat is beautiful and you are beautiful, this is the message.  Be loud and proud.

Sure, this works to challenge and reduce prejudice and on that score this is no bad thing.

But fat and proud?  Fat and beautiful?  They miss something out.

Fat and beautiful and early to the grave from a long list of highly dangerous and life threatening diseases fashion.

They don't portray that in their marketing.

As always, comments in the comments section below please.

Is overfeeding a child a form of abuse?

Let's face it, some parents are quite awful.  Everyone's idea of child rearing differs, and we can notice that even some of those parents who have ideas that differ wildly from our own, truly think they are doing right by their children.

Not everyone of course.  Some parents are just horrible and should not have children.

But what of parents who over feed their children to the point of obesity? 

Most do it through ignorance (they might just be a bit stupid) or are simply repeating the parenting that they had themselves.  Not always, but fat parents often have fat children.

Some parents over feed their children as a way of showing them love.  They may even say things like, "I never want my children to go without like I did."  They think they are showing a kindness.

Some parents are too much of a push-over and feel guilty saying no to their children.  They raise spoiled, gluttonous children who have no concept of the word, "no" and going without. Their every whim and desire is satiated by their ridiculous parents.

Some parents of horribly obese children express a huge degree of helplessness when it comes to their children's eating.  The child, who may be just 4 years old, appears to be put in charge of the dinner table, and the parents appear helpless in the face of a 4 year old tyranny.  They go on TV shows and talk about how helpless they are and that no one is doing anything about it.

This all makes for great victim-TV of course but the problem is that these children's bodies are being destroyed before they even reach maturity.

A short life full of health problems and limitations followed by an early death is almost inevitable.

So, should the state intervene?  Should this be a criminal-legal problem?  A problem for social workers? Something the schools should intervene with?

Since there is rarely criminal intent, is it ethical for the law to get involved?

With the obesity epidemic growing steadily at a frightening rate, just what should be done?

I have no idea.

No whining!

People on diets have a remarkable tendency to whine a lot.  Obviously, they don't think they are whining at all, they are merely letting everyone know how much effort they are putting in, how difficult it all is and how much suffering they are putting themselves through.  

Yes, that is called whining.

Try a whining diet too - quit it!

Think about it like this.  How differently would you have to behave if you could not tell anyone about your diet, your weight loss ideals, your sufferance or anything. i.e. You cannot mention a single thing about it?

Would change things a bit, right?

Now think about this. How much of your diet is being done to win approval from other people?  How much of your daily conversation and commentary on your diet designed with the unconscious aim of getting approval from other people?

So, who are you doing this for?  Why are you doing this?  To lose weight, or to get other people to keep saying nice and reassuring things to you?

So much of the stuff around weight loss involves getting other people to change their behaviour - to serve smaller portions, to stop them buying you cakes and so on.  Going around a friends house for dinner can be interesting when you are on a diet.  How much conversation happens before or around the dinner about what you can and cannot eat?

How often do people ask you if you can eat this or that, or they give you that look that suggests that maybe you shouldn't be eating it because you are on a diet?

They do this because you have gone on and on about it.  Really, you probably didn't notice, but you did.

Now, stop it!

When it comes to losing weight, will power is something that is certainly over-rated, but does have some importance. So often, the failed dieter will put the failure down to a lack of willpower.

Clearly, making better decisions about how we behave and what we choose to do is better than simply will power, but will power does play a part. So, what do you do to increase your will power?

A famous experiment carried out at Stanford in the late 1960's involved exposing young children to a single marshmallow. They would be left alone for a few minutes but told before hand that if they didn't eat the marshmallow, that they could have another one.  If they ate it, then they did not get another one.

This was an experiment in what is known in psychology as deferred gratification. Can we delay our immediate pleasure for a long term gain.

Unsurprisingly a lot of children were not able to wait.

Some would even eat the marshmallow but still expect to be given another one.

The results from this study were interesting. The children who are able to defer gratification in order to wait for a second treat, tend to have better life success than the children who were unable to wait.

Compare these two children. One child happily sits there, patiently waiting for the time to pass and then to claim his reward.  A second child eats the marshmallow, and then demands his reward. The rules do not apply to him as far as he is concerned. It is clear which child will find life easier.

Of course, most children will be somewhere between the two, having to find ways to distract themselves to avoid eating the marshmallow. Think about this, would you have been a one marshmallow, or a two marshmallow child?

How willing and able are you to defer gratification for long term gain?

Chances are you find this difficult. Most people do.

So, in order to find life easier all round, not just when it comes to losing weight, start building your will power.

One way you can do this is simply by sitting still. Position yourself opposite a clock. Don't move a muscle for one full minute (do breathe though, breathing is good). You will be amazed at how suddenly your body will try to defy you. Suddenly an itch will appear here and there, demanding to be scratched.

Thoughts will arise in your mind telling you how stupid this is or how important it is to answer that ringing telephone (they can call back later). In fact, the chances are that if you repeat this practice once a day every day, you will discover just how fast the  mind creates thoughts that are designed to try and prevent you from completing such a simple task.

Over time you mind will quieten and your ability to override these impulses and urges will improve.

This is an old mystical practice to devlop "The Will", it is also a good demonstration of the demons of the mind which need to be governed more effectively.  Try it.  Just one minute a day and report back your findings.

When losing weight there is much in our day to day routine that we need to change. It can be as if the changes that we want to make conflict with how we live. So here is a top tip suggestion for you.  Do activities that totally break with routine - do things that you would not normally do.

Imagination is required here.

For example, you might like to go on a hot air balloon ride.  This isn't something most people ever do.

How about going on a rock climbing and abseiling day?  Not your cup of tea, need something less extreme?

How about looking at what courses are running at your local adult education centre. Mushroom identification? Philosophy?

Here are some other suggestions of fun, educative events that help break up your routine and give you new experiences and new outlooks.

• Self defence training
• Stand up comedy training
• Sailing 
• Metal detecting/treasure hunt
• First aid training
• An open day at the rifle range
• Work as an "extra" in a movie
• Volunteer at the local hospital
• Join the local Chamber of Commerce and/or volunteer bureau
• White water rafting / canoeing
• Potholing / caving
• Paint balling
• Jousting
• Horse riding
• Trampolining
• Dry skiing
• Ice skating
• Flying

Aim to do one event a month.  Something that gets you out of your normal routine and takes you right outside of your normal mindset.

With weight loss, you are creating a different way of being, by introducing a diverse range of experiences, you will learn how to discover the live with this different you.

If you are part of a slimming group or club, you might like to arrange group activities and ask for group discount.

Got other suggestions?  Comments section below, you know what to do!